Its just you and me,Kid

I was recently inspired by Robert's declaration of ten reasons why he loves Brian.
Why I love Diet Coke:
1. Its fizzy
2.Its caffeinated
3.It makes me happy,truly happy
4.It goes well with everything
5.Its portable in cans and bottles, whichever you prefer
6.Its a very reliable companion, can be found globally, cold in America,warm in Europe
7. It has only good intentions
8. Offers no surprises, I know where I stand
9. Its calorie free
10. Just for the taste of it, people.

Happy Birthday Danny

My brother is a man of 40 and I still call him Danny. Danny, the kid two years older than me that blew out my candles on my cake when I was too young to know the difference (do that now, and you know what will happen). Legend has it that my first words were, Danny Don't. Danny, the kid who played baseball, still see his baseball picture, on the Hawks, I think, green and white jersey,green baseball hat, his blonde hair long and kind of shaggy underneath. I remember playing with my brother Josh in the nooks and crannies of the foothills of Azusa while he played his little league games. Danny the Oldest. He is my older brother..and he will always be that just older guy that I always looked up to. He will always be the one who kind of paved the way. We watched Danny do a lot of things, and kind of knew he was the first for a reason. He had that kind of personality and spirit about him, anything is possible. Hey, Watch me Guys...not in words, but in actions.
He liked the Dodgers, Steve Garvey was his hero. Hey, I like the Dodgers too. He liked the Cars. I liked the Cars too, what a coincidence.. See a pattern? As an adult I can look back and really see that when he liked something, I wanted to be a part of his life and so hey,I liked it too. I remember the times when he included me in what he liked and still feel good when I think about it. Its his birthday today, and although some things change as we get older, some things don't. I'm happy that I have an older brother, with the same history and some of the same memories...Happy Birthday Danny..i hope this year brings all that you want to your doorstep.

Happy Valentimes Day

I'm quite impressed with myself today because this is the first year in a long time when I keep forgetting that its actually valentines day, or Valentimes as some people like to say. Usually it's a day that kind of drudges up some of the fears and angst of not being in a relationship. But i'm happy to say I've got bigger fish to fry...life is good. This contentedness may be because i've taken my fish oil today (i think it works), or it may be because it is just good.

Nothing a little prayerful introspection and Elton John can't fix

I just got back from my sunday drive. I go quite frequently to a canyon by the name of Carbon near my home in Southern Cal. It has sentimental value, as I remember driving there back when I was around 19 and my sis Beka must have been 10. It makes me feel closer to my real self and is the perfect back drop for the pondering that Sunday's tend to inspire. Today as I drove I was amazed at the green that met me. About 2 or three months ago there was a fire in this canyon that burnt a lot of the area. Driving through right after the fires, all I could see was black and all I could smell was burnt earth. What met me today, green grass and foliage covering the damaged dirt, inspired me. Renewal, in its most organic and simple form. How important it is. Where there once was burnt barren land, there is now furiously growing green. I thought about how necessary renewal is needed in my life right now.
I have recently been struggling,for months really, about keeping the calling I have at church. I am a full time student, work full time, and volunteer as a mentor. I am a busy girl. I also have always been very aware of the frequent regeneration I need to continue at a fast pace. I was called to be a secretary for my church's primary last April. When I got the calling I was excited. I was happy to help. Lately, the last few months, there has been many times that I have wanted to quit. I have wanted to tell them this is such a busy time, I don't have the energy. There's a whole bunch of religious cultural and self imposed reasons that I have not actually spoken the words. The LDS religion is one that expects a lot, because we have a lot of potential within us, and learn and grow and are sanctified through the sacrifice it takes to continue to serve. I have always believed this. I know the worth of service. Someone that expects even more than the LDS church, is me....Add the very high standards I have for myself and the high standards the church has proposed..and you get what I am..one very tired girl..one very tired girl who feels backed in a corner.
On my drive today, I also thought about how monumental the right to choose is as a human being. In order to even live and create any sort of life, and garner any pleasure or joy from it, there must be choice. I believe it is the ability to choose that is the very empowerment that the human spirit needs to live and learn.
I also realized that perhaps a lot of my disdain and lack of connectedness to my calling is my perceived lack of choice in the matter. I have convinced myself that I am doing this because I "HAVE" to...that it is because of the very strict guidelines of the church...that it is because of the lack of courage in myself to say "NO"..and various other things. As I drove today I realized that of course I have the choice, I have always had the choice, although I have lost sight of it.
This is where the importance of renewal comes in. Renewal of covenants, renewal of choices, renewal of standards..renewal of efforts. Making the choice and realizing I'm making the choice.
At the suggestion of a long time friend Stu, I visualized continuing along with the calling, and I visualized myself asking to be released. The idea was to visualize what that would look like on either side. What I found was that the visualization of letting the calling go would assuredly give me immediate relief, would allow me to be rid of the responsibility. Jen would surely be happy. When I visualized keeping the calling and continuing the way everything is now, with the same mindset, I saw nothing but frustration and continued angst.
Then, I visualized myself serving in the calling as I would want it to be. With more commitment, feeling more connected to the presidency I work with and serve, and more connected to the children. i also visualized and felt the peace and joy that comes from serving when you realize you've chosen to serve, and remember WHO I chose to serve in the first place.
Today I collected in my heart what new actions could be taken to be more connected with the women and children I serve with, and very importantly to be more connected to myself and the One I felt so strongly about serving in the first place.
After all of this reflection and knowing that I was onto something...as I drove home up the 57, out of the canyon...back to the pavement of the freeway...Elton John on the radio just about took me over the edge... Someone saved my life tonight..well its not that dramatic..but I definitely feel as if I've my spiritual heart beat has been revived.

California Dreamin

This last week I was brought sad news about Grandpa Jack, my Grandma's husband who died after suffering from pancreatic cancer. This news brought my sister Rachel and her husband Kit, along with my favorite kids Carson, Gwyneth, and Pepper, and my Mom to California for the services. Up they drove after twelve hours in the car, kids spilling out of the car, Mom,Dad and Grandma in tow. Gwyneth is in a stage in which she is enamored of Aunt Jenny. I am loving this and I am taking full advantage of it, because as four year olds can be fickle sometimes , her admiration could shift to someone else. The weekend was choc full of what California has to offer, Disneyland and the beach. I paid my respects to Grandpa Jack and was able to see Aunts and Uncles and cousins, some that I haven't seen for just about two decades. It has been too long,and it was so great to see everyone. Seeing my uncles together reminded me of how proud I felt when as a younger girl , watching my Dad standing with them, cracking jokes. My mom and aunts got emotional remembering all of the great times they had, starting their families. My dad was the oldest sibling, and one by one the 4 boys and 1 girl in their family got married, and started having children at relatively the same time. We all lived in the same neighborhoods in Southern California, and I imagine it was a really fun time for a family, having children, celebrating 1st birthdays, baptisms, little league games. The memories I have of that time, including running around in the back yard, the twilight hours,smell of eucalyptis are interwined with why I feel so content being back in Southern California. Here are my roots. I live less than five miles from the neighborhood where my memories took place. Seeing my uncles with their gray hair makes me miss my dad. Seeing my mom with my aunts makes me long to have what they had when they were young brides and moms. Leaving the funeral I felt a greater sense of and a gratitude of where I came from. How blessed I am and have been.